Change - agent? first learn to understand it - Part 2

Continuing my observations regarding change and its various aspects an important realization which I made was as much as change is difficult to initiate and manage a connected complication of the same is conflict management. Many times good initiatives fails because of inadequate conflict management and resolution plus the tendency of the change initiator to play the role of the change consultant - always occupying the high ground and preaching what should be done.

This realization dawned on me when I spent some quality time with my parents at my ancestral home after a long gap. The daily routine in my house has remained so for years and both my parents strive tirelessly to retain it like that. The only problem is that age is catching up with them and so things which were done easily take double the time and triple the effort. On top of that my mother's dubious health makes simple tasks tiresome. The focus on task completion and the inability to do it in as good a way as it was initially done leads to frustration and ultimately more strife and tension in the house. The end result being that the parents are not happy.

Me, recognizing this, tried my utmost to make them understand that the insistence on this daily routine was ruining their quality of life - water management, plant management, bathing Alex ( pet dog ), cleaning, keeping the big house in order etc. were all things which were secondary to health and peace of mind. This led to more strife and conflict in the house and didn't serve the purpose which I was trying to achieve - ensure happiness of my parents. I left home unsatisfied having failed in my objective but have been thinking of how the could it have been managed better.

I don't have all the answers but some of the things which have dawned on me is that foremost I was naive in believing that i could give happiness to my folks, happiness cant be given, one can facilitate it but ultimately one has to be happy - I can't make someone who is unwilling, happy. Secondly, I was really behaving like a change consultant - a guest - who was making observations, applying management jargons and more interested in proving points rather than explaining the points. The result being I came across as a preacher and not a partner in this endeavor to improve a situation which subsequently led to my folks and I taking opposite sides. Change could possibly be better managed in a cooperative environment.

The thinking is ongoing but at least I have discovered two aspects which I need to keep in mind the next time I am at home. I am also happy that over the past few days of my stay I actually contributed in doing some of the more difficult house chores so that at the bare minimum some of the things could be off their mind for sometime.I also got rid of some the junk in the house. Actually what all I got rid off would be an interesting write too :-)